The movement forward. The plans. The what if’s. (His and mine.)
Some answers so clear and other choices unanswered and fuzzy.
What’s most clear is today’s options in our control. Today’s choices, today’s actions, today’s dreams for tomorrow.
This stays in focus. Just. Today.
The blurry bits are the what if’s, the not yet’s, the times my mind is going to the moment, 92 Wednesdays from now that I say goodbye and bring him to a university when in reality, he just left for day 75 of 11th grade (I’m not counting, that was a guess. 😉 )
So, I revert to my coach training on myself.
Note to self: Hold space.
Be the one clear point of light.
The one not blurry or dizzy from choices.
The one present, without judgement, shedding light on whatever it is threatens to slide sanity sideways.
It may look like asking instead of telling. “What would you most want to happen?”
Wondering instead of having the answers. “What if it did work out? Then what?”
Believing instead of doubting. ” I believe you will figure this out. If you need me to talk it through, let me know.” And walking away. In total belief and support.
Pulling away to have fun. “Let’s go for a ride”
Praying instead of talking. “God, just show up.”
Most likely, it means saying nothing. Empathizing. Not Fixing. “That sounds really awful/ hard/ wonderful. “
And above all, knowing that knowing how to hold space is my best position to be in.
My best odds of launching him.
My best way of staying out of the way so he doesn’t rebel against solid reasoning.
My best stance so he can work himself out,
listen to his own life,
seek his own movement without the added confusion of my opinions,
which are NOT truth,
but only opinions since I’ve never lived his life… 😉
Practicing how to hold space is my best case scenario for myself – so I release myself from having the answers, from controlling what I cannot control, from stopping what is now in motion.
Holding space is my way of showing up instead of focusing on what doesn’t matter. It embodies the action of love: I’m here. You’ve got this.
If you’re in my boat here are some questions to consider:
1) How can you show up without opinions unless asked?
2) What phrase might be most meaningful to your teen to express your belief in them?
3) When they’re stressed, notice how you respond. Just notice. Does it help the situation or can something be changed? How can you hold space for them?
Vikki Spencer, Mom Coach
This post is part of a series of that counts down the weeks left until my son leaves for college. The first post can be found here.