Trusting them is our biggest lesson.
Fifteen minutes after leaving the house, Jordan called me. “Mom, I’m fine. I wasn’t in an accident. But I saw one. The sheriff is here and wants me to stay. I can’t get my car out, but I wasn’t hit. What do I do?”
The surreal words had not lowered to my stomach, so I said, “Do whatever they need you to do. Tell me where you are. I’ll be right there.”
So I threw on yesterday’s familiar clothes and drove 15 minutes on the shoulder to avoid traffic. I found his car, angled toward a guardrail, behind but not connected to 3 other collided cars.
He was in his car and I jumped in the passenger seat.
“I’m fine.” He says smiling because he sees I’ve been crying much of the past 15 minutes.
He tells me what he saw which I won’t repeat right now since he is a witness.
But here’s what I heard, loud and clear:
“I’m not going to lie. I was changing the radio station and just checked my rear view mirror and….. I had time to slow down and get to the side.”
He had time to slow down because he listened to me about following distance. He freaken listened about it being the only defensive thing you have in the car and will save you from accidents.
All those times he drove and I noted the space between cars, “I need a little more space to feel comfortable.”
All those times he said, “It’s fine. It’s enough.” And I chose to say, “No, it’s not. Please slow down”, knowing that on his own, he may not listen. Or he may. 😉
We can trust them. We can trust them to listen. We can trust that they know what they need to do, and they will do it.
And if they don’t do it perfectly, every single time?
Then we love them and hold space so they can learn from their mistakes while they are under our roof.
I don’t hold him to a standard of every time his distance will be perfect. Or every time he’ll dodge the accident (God forbid he get in one). Or every time he does the right thing.
I don’t lay the example of perfection in my own life. I can’t. No one can.
What I can trust is that he heard me. That something in him rumbles around and decides what is best for him. That he is moving toward life on his own terms and I can trust him.
You can trust yours too.
Tough to believe?
Try to look for the ways they prove themselves. Look for the times they use solid judgement. Tell them how proud you are, how honored you are to be their parent, how they will take their place in the world.
Vikki Spencer, The Mom Whisperer, Mom Coach
How about you? When have you caught your tween/ teen in a great choice, or solid judgement?