We’ve all had it happen- the times we meant well and were sure we would not need an apology later. We weren’t going to yell. We were going to listen to the kids or hubs. We were going to be patient.

And we weren’t.

And we yelled… A lot.

Although at the time it made sense, afterwards, not so much. We’re left with people not knowing how to approach us, or avoid us, making the initial reason we got mad fade into the sunset.

So now what?

How do we reconnect in an authentic way that conveys to them that we’re sorry, while preserving a shred of dignity?

We apologize.

I don’t know of any other way to reconnect with someone when we’ve disconnected by anger (or any other way). There’s no other handshake, concept, offering, or gift we can give other than a true, heart-felt apology.

Maybe it’s because the offense hurt their heart, so it takes our heart to reach out and heal theirs. I don’t know. I just know nothing else works.

Whether they forgive or not is not the point. The point is always to find and reach out to them.

Lucky for all of us, my hiking and coffee friend is Dr. Jennifer Thomas. We’ve known each other for over 10 years now and she wrote the book on apologies. You can find her book, co-written with Dr. Gary Chapman, When Sorry Isn’t Enough at Amazon, or find her website here.

I’ve often told Jen that I wish everyone knew her material. There is no other human way we have to reconnect when we’ve been disconnected.  No gift, no thing, no promise. It’s honestly one of the skills we should all master because once we learn it, we can apply it to every area of our life.


Vikki Spencer is the author of Momifesto: 9 Practices for Phenomenal Moms. Buy your copy from Amazon HERE. Momifesto