Dr. Brene Brown wrote a book called Daring Greatly.
It’s about living Wholeheartedly and courageously after learning to be resilient to shame and guilt.
FYI – Were we to all get over shame and guilt, the world of therapy as we now know it would have to either disappear or change dramatically. Once shame and guilt are put in their place, people live on a whole different level.
And so would our kids.
I’m sharing bite sized truths and then putting a whispering spin on them for two reasons.
I want you to get the book. I want your life to change (if it needs to, and if you are willing).
Bite from Daring Greatly:
” ….boundaryless disclosure is one way we protect ourselves from real vulnerability. And the
TMI issue is not even a case of “too much vulnerability” – vulnerability is bankrupt on it’s own
terms when people move from being vulnerable to using vulnerability to deal with unmet
needs, get attention, or engage in the shock-and-awe behaviors that are so commonplace in today’s culture.” Dr. Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, pg. 46. Gotham Books: 2012.
She goes on to talk about trust and appropriate sharing. She goes on to say that basically, while there are no guarantees, people need to be trustworthy with the smaller bits of information we give them before we unload more personal or intimate pieces.
That if people aren’t being careful with our information, our hearts, responding to us with love, worth and compassion, then they don’t get the priviledge of our vulnerability.
Where does this come from?
A sense of our own worthiness. That we are so worthwhile, and loveable, that we need to be responsible to ourselves to share ourselves with others who respect us because we deserve it.
Then and only then, can we help our daughters maneuver the tricky world of TMI vs. building authentic friendships because we thoroughly understand what they face.
We can help them move into authentic relationships that have passed a litmus test of accepting tiny pieces of vulnerability over time instead of jumping in under the myth of hollow “love”.
Then we can teach our sons to give and receive information about themselves that is not trying to shock, or one up, or come from insecurity.
We can teach them to be young men who prize real courage of sharing their heart and protecting the hearts of those that trust them.
Because we need to teach it to them, we need to get it for ourselves.
We need to learn it, inhale it, and allow our cells to celebrate that we can have a boundary.
That people need to earn our trust.
That if our kids trust us with their vulnerability, we need to respect it, celebrate it, and make a common practice in our definition of “family”.
In Game Changing Truth,